horsing around

ok is anyone interested in horse riding lessons?? just watched a knight's tale and i am inspired. though the first time i got on a horse i got thrown off. or rather i planned to fall off so as to minimise damage cos it was impossible to stay on. let me explain what happened...

it was sometime in june/july of 2003. dol and gang came down to visit ibrahim and ansar, etc and they decided to go horse riding at yanchep. i tagged along cos i really really wanted to try it out. so off we went, it was cold and rainy, being winter and all that. i think i kinda doomed myself the moment i got on the horse cos i kinda went aaargh! for no apparent reason. horses being as smart as they are, instinctively knew, yes! first timer! can take advantage! and take advantage she did. her name was soodie if i'm not wrong.

first of all, the reins were too short. whenever she lowered her head i would have to practically hug her neck cos they pulled my arms down. she took every opportunity to do that and grazed on the trail every chance she got. sheesh. secondly, i think the stirrups were too long or something cos my feet didn't fit snugly around her belly and there was a high chance of them slipping out. stirrups are important. they keep u in the saddle!

so i kinda knew i may b doomed and that led me to come up with a plan just in case anything happened. my plan: in a situation where falling off is inevitable, lean down low, get yr foot out of the stirrups and fall to the side so u don't get trampled on. fall on the side where u have the least chance of dying or getting paralysed. simple enough. great plan.

so off we went on the trail. 10-15 mins into the ride, something happened behind us, think there was a sudden noise or something and all the horses started galloping. i was like, whoah this is wicked man!! then after they slowed to a trot the guide told us that it wasn't supposed to happen and if we stayed on during that episode, we weren't gonna have any probs at all. that's when i thought, oh oh. cos i did almost fall off during that initial gallop. i hung on cos there were like 8 other horses around me. dangerous.

now let me say something about the guide. he had on this long brown leather coat, a cowboy hat and had leathery skin to match. i think he was carrying a rifle too. he looked like one of those lone ranger types and he did leave us alone some of the time, he did. so was a bit worried lah, all novices then u have this action yaya papaya as yr guide. hello?

so anyways, the trail was damn cool, then we reached this part where we had to go uphill along this narrow track and some parts had sheer drops on one side if not both sides. the guys being the monkeys that they are started to make the horses gallop so when one starts obviously all the other horses have to as well right, cos we were in a single file. so halfway through this gallop, it happened. i was holding on just fine then i started slipping out of my stirrups and to the side. soodie was galloping with her head kinda down so my arms were strained too. i was thinking, fuck i'm gonna die. if i don't die i'll have horrendous injuries. i did try to restrain her but i was in the middle of the single file so i couldn't block the horses behind me right? luckily the track had a drop on one side and bushes and stuff on the other. so i aimed for the bushes, rolled off with minimal injuries. minimal meaning i think i strained my back. it hurt, btw.

the guys were like, oh shit what happened?? as they galloped past. i was thinking, idiots. a few mins later the guide came back with the horse and made me get right back on... i refused to at first, didn't wanna go anywhere near the damned thing. but of cos i didn't have a choice. so get back on i did, and soodie was relatively well behaved the rest of the way. once we got back through the main gates of the riding place, i thought, yay, nightmare over. little did i know i had a couple more hair raising episodes to go through.

it was dusk and the horses were more or less just walking blindly towards the corral cos they know the way so damn well. i was kinda trailing behind cos soodie is a lazy ass. walk so damn slow. then out of nowhere this camel comes running out and scared the bejitters outta her. a freaking camel dudes!! the camel caused her to rear up on her hind legs. YES zorro style. i thought i was gonna get a heart attack there and then. then soodie starts galloping towards some trees, waaay off course. i was like, that's it u miserable beast and practically yanked on her reins to stop her. she did stop ah, surprisingly, but was pretty close to bringing me to god knows where. the guide was nowhere in sight, naturally.

so we got back to the corral, had to relate to the guys what happened cos they were all way ahead of me. got off soodie, at last. then the horse people said we had to lead the horses back into the stables. fuckers. so that's what i did, halfway there, soodie had another surprise. she more or less assaulted me! she pushed me all the way against the fence with her big fat head and practically crushed the breath outta me. then she starts nuzzling, like in a hey, sorry about that, no hard feelings i was a little high just now. but it was hard and it hurt!! i'm like, jeez ok ok just leave me alone man. to top off this agony, the guys were all there and watching with these half horrified half amused looks on their faces. ya she was nuzzling my chest ok. lucky i had a black windbreaker on so it didn't look too obscene.

so ends my horse tale. anyone wanna go horse riding?? really lah it's damn shiok.