why i'm not in miss singapore universe

Q1 Why did you join Miss Singapore Universe?

because i'm sick of seeing a) girls who cannot make it b) girls who kena langgar lorry (twice) c) girls who resemble lolliops/ stick insects/ other phallic symbols. i am none of these things, thank you.

Q2 What is your best physical feature?

hmm where do i start... i'm the whole package baybee. face of an angel with a body (almost) built for sin. wahaha.

Q3 What is your main appeal?

i'm humble.

Q4 What's a typical day in your life like?

there are no typical days, dahling. i hate routine. whining and bitching about work is an every day ritual though. don't get me started on how working life sucks here. but if i must: wake up, contemplate going to the gym, pack gym stuff, go to work, contemplate about going to the gym, decide not to go, decide to go, decide not to go, leave office, walk halfway to the gym, go to the gym/ catch a bus home depending on how can't be bothered i feel, do my thang, go home.

Q5 What's one phrase you can't stop using?

i say 'ok' and 'hmm' a lot. but those can hardly be called phrases right... 'i dunno'.

Q6 Tell us one thing about you that people are always surprised to learn about.

hmm i dunno. they're usually surprised to learn that i'm a closet artist. well, new people. old friends know that i am. don't practice much nowadays though, so maybe that's why it's a surprise. did i mention i'm a grassroots leader too? haha.

Q7 If you could have one superhero ability, what would it be?

i wanna be invisible. so i can turn spy or go assasinate/ saboh people i don't like.

Q8 To you, who embodies the perfect woman and why?

there is no such thing as a perfect woman, or man. we can only aim for excellence, perfection is god's business. a woman of excellence would be... hmm. every single woman out there who juggles work, family and a neanderthal, and looks good doing it.

Q9 What is the biggest problem facing the Singapore society today?

we don't use our voices to speak up against injustices towards us. we put up with bullshit because we're too afraid to lose whatever little we already have. always remember that if you give an inch, they will take a mile. we need to fight for our rights.

Q10 What would you most like to be remembered for?

i'd like to be remembered for being a strong person who holds on to her principles and beliefs no matter the cost. oh oh i'd like to be remembered for my wicked sense of humour and witticisms too.

Q11 How do you cope with wolf-whistles on the street?

i don't get wolf whistles. thanks for bruising my ego, thanks ah. do lust-filled stares count? wahaha.

Q12 If you could recommend a TV show to anyone, what would it be and why?

i would recommend the shows on the discovery channels. documentaries, if you like. at least you're learning something and your brain isn't getting turned to mush.

Q13 What is the best advice someone has ever given you?

doing your best is not enough, sometimes you have to do what is required.- courtesy of yours truly. swiped off some site.

Q14 What do you look for in a career and why?

job satisfaction is key. if i'm not enjoying my work then it's going to be tough indeed. also, i have to do something that benefits people and is not profit driven. i think consumerism is rotting away all our morals and values and i do not want to contribute to that.

Q15 Any personal life mission(s)?

get married and get laid. in that order.

sudden avalanche of great news

i got my bonus this month. but ssssshhhh don't tell anyone. i'm gonna hoard it away for a rainy day or a day i feel like a bit of sunshine. ie., shopping, travelling, other frivolous expenses. oh ya, my masters too.

my sis got into nus biz admin. not that i'm surprised cos she's been top 10% in her poly every single year. very proud and happy for her. save money also, no need to go overseas. wahaha.

my sis in law is pregnant! this means that my bro will be a FATHER. that i cannot get over. another thing that's even harder to get over is- i'm gonna be a MAKCIK. how unglam is that sia? baby's coming in nov... wicked.

my aunt is giving birth in a couple of weeks. should see her stomach man, she's huuuuuuge. can't wait. hehehe. new toy new toy!

nah not gonna elaborate on any of the above. malas ah. just squeal along, people, squeal along.

been there, done that

the build up was slightly nerve-wracking. the event itself took less than a minute. it wasn't painful. at all. i didn't even wince. yaya felt like a proud parent. for me it was a little anti- climatic. i was like, that's it? hmm.

whatever it is, my lifelong (ok, not quite) dream has been fulfilled. :) tho i am dreading the after effects. has benefits tho, i haven't sat up quite so straight ever. for long periods sommore.

to answer the question, "should i, shouldn't i?". i did.

fyi, titanium black with a sapphire blue stone. *nudge nudge wink wink*

gotta love it.

what i get for not reading the papers

damien rice is having a concert here next week. it's sold out and i didn't even KNOW about it. aaarrrrggghhhh!!! sooo lame! very sad. anyone got any lobang to get tix?? sighs. :(

remind me to be in the loop and be ahead of the pack from now on ok. bummer lah.

another whiny entry abt work... and then some

i'm doing something partially important at work. i'm more or less coordinating the whole move to tampines. happening this weekend. or as i put on the movement board in the office, "moving. (i hope)". hmm. kinda cool lah cos the bosses depend on me. haha. i'm supposed to randomly allocate people to the stations but obviously seeing how the power is in my hands i'm gonna put people wherever the hell i want. wahaha. ahh privileges. love em.

got a complaint today from a customer i didn't call when i was supposed to. tell someone who gives a damn lah. worst part is rite, the stupid hotline dept gave the idiot (customer) my hp no!! since when was my hp no. company property?? dumb fucks. gonna ask them to stop sending me those irritating sms notifications too. don't get into my personal space mans. back the hell off.

just now the ceo had a briefing will all us happening young execs. wants us to start selling. incentives are not bad lah but whatever. i ain't no salesperson. gonna make damn sure they know that. it's a challenge? pain in the ass ok.

tomoro we're having a dept dinner and he'll be there too. sigh. on the other hand, the menu is awesome, cos i organised the caterer. wahaha. yup, i'm 'lending a hand' wherever i can. kepo kepo.

hmm why am i always talking about work. anyways, since rohana spilled the beans already, yeah i'm off the market. wahaha. no, i don't want any comments. just be happy for me ok. thanks.

midweek whine

i need a get rich quick scheme. NOW. i really cannot stand work. even the thought of having to go back tomoro after a 3 day hiatus(hiatus my ass. details later) gives me heart palpitations. aaargh! biggest regret to date- signing that stupid bond.

ok details about how work won't leave me alone. we get leads that we're supposed to call up and they inform us via email AND sms. sms!!! what the hell?? i even get them on weekends! i DO NOT wanna get smses from work! are they paying my phone bill? noooooo. what the hell is the reason behind sending me freaking smses asking me to call up people? customer first my ass ok. my time is mine. gonna get the stupid relevant dept to stop the sms notifications for me. assholes.

this is really pissing me off. i'm gonna go chill.

stress ah stress

i forgot to bitch about something else. last wed i did my 1st ever presentation in front of a 200- strong group of nsmen. i never said i was any good with presentations. i have never showed that i'm any good with presentations. so what the hell? was bloody nervous and i think i sucked. went too fast, was too nervous and made a couple of major mistakes. but at least they enjoyed it. i think. stupid me also wore a top that i think i look fat in. doh. did nothing for my confidence i tell you.

speaking of confidence, i have none. can't drive. can't do telemarketing. can't do sales. can't be counted on to get things done. sighs. i suck with practical tasks. even in aust, i wasn't great with the housekeeping and helping out with events and stuff. come to think of it, i even sucked at waitressing. hmm. then again, i only sucked when there was someone else there who was better at it. if i'm on my own or with, ahem, 'more challenged' people, then i'm totally competent. wahaha. the only thing i think i'm really good at is planning. but someone else has to execute it. i'll just supervise. haha.

back to the presentation. i have to do another one on fri for another group of 200 nsmen. 3 others are going with me but none of them are presenters. if i go blank or chicken out last minute, there won't be anyone there for back up. i'm pissing myself already.

on the bright side, this coming week i'll be in office for only 2 days. mon and tues on course then offday on wed. fri i won't be in office half the time cos we'll be coming in around 11.30 and leaving for the talk at about 5pm. sweet.

ok off to build someone a wayang kulit stage. oh crap, forgot about researching for characters... doo di doo di doo.

shallow me

applying for the latest credit/ debit card on the market cos... it's a pretty purple colour. :D well, lilac, with silver words. cool rite? so exciting... and got cash rebates when you spend at certain shopping centres sommore. the tagline is 'shop for cash'. which is a bit coincidental, cos i was just telling my cousin's bf (soon to be fiance, in like, 2 weeks) that if i had the choice i wouldn't work for money. hmm.

been a long time...

did anyone miss me? haha. nothing much has been happening lah, so no updates. unless u wanna hear me whine and bitch about the pain in my ass that is work. life is too short to work just so other people can get rich man. ok lah ok i'll do a bit of whining. haha.

i did mention last time that i should probably calm down and not be so idealistic and self righteous. screw that lah. if u won't stand up for yourself then who will? making noise to the powers above does work but sometimes the effort put in is just not justified by the results. i think there's something wrong somewhere with that sentence. hmm. anyways, yeah. it's hard to be rebellious when everyone is asking you to bite your tongue and go along with stuff. mebbe this time round i'm not as daring as i was in the last job i was unhappy with (the scientific/chemical/whatever it's called formula for water) becos now i actually have something to lose. dammit.

oh well. whatever lah. don't care. yeah my attitude sucks, so what? people are telling me to do my best no matter what kinda tasks they give you so that when the time comes, they can recommend you to other departments. yeah right. empty promises. they did not hold up their end of the bargain so is there any reason i should hold up mine? i don't think so. you scratch my back i scratch yours. can't expect something from nothing. pfft. idiots.

we were supposed to move to our new office today. didn't happen. why? cos last minute management pulled the plug on renovations cos they weren't happy with the place. 3 days before we were supposed to move. idiots. i am worked up because i was looking forward to the move sooo bad. absolutely dying to move to the office because it's nearer to home therefore i will be saving on travel time and transport costs. also cos it means that we can finally have our own space and stop sharing with the other centre who have been turning increasingly competitive and unhelpful. u want the sales just take it lah! wtf do i care man. sheesh.

so yeah. work is a bitch. *yawn*

next installment i will be bitching abt things other than work. stay tuned people! haha.

one for the discovery channel

i have discovered a brilliant way to stop people from sitting beside me on the bus. don't shower after a workout at the gym. ok so this is what happened. worked out, went to shower, bloody long queue. i thought, stuff it, i don't feel like changing back into heels and blowing my hair and doing my make up again just to go home. screw that! so i just wiped off (yeah, didn't even wash up), packed my bag and got the hell out of there. haha. brilliant ah. think i will do that from now on... hmm. unless i'm absolutely soaking in sweat ah.

went to the air force school for a talk today. did some shopping there. haha. i never thought i'd be that cliche about women being shopaholics. alas, i have joined the masses. and it feels damn good boi. retail therapy. it means what it says. i need new shoes! mmm... shoes... need work shoes and runnign shoes... think i could use a pair of inline skates (yeah, they r not called rollerblades ok. that's a brand) too...

"the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
---carl jung (1875- 1961)

how scientific and romantic is that? psychologist ok! wahaha.

my idea of expressing one's self

ok after this there will be no more mention of living vicariously thru me or airing of anymore laundry. capisce? i mean it. u never know who might be reading your blog. i'd like to live fast and die young but come on, no need to accelerate the process hor.

of roots and grass

i shall blog about the hot but not gay married guy who has a kid. haha. went to an induction program thing for new grassroots leaders last sunday. had to wake up damned early, but was late anyway and had to take a cab all the way to freaking nacli in buona vista. on a sun morn. when i should b sleeping in. sighs. the things i do.

i expected there to be maybe 60-70 people max. oh boy was i wrong. it was a whole freaking auditorium. and i was on my ownsome lonesome. so i stood around and acted cool lah what else. hehe. went right to the back of the auditorium and sat in the row behind this tanned hunky dude in a tight black tee. damn nice arms. i'm a sucker for nice, toned arms. like the new colleague i have( well, not exactly my colleague cos he will be staying in bras basah while i'm moving to tamp, but still same dept ah. tall, tanned, chinese. nicknamed superman. i digress). tee said 'police' in small words at the back near the collar. i like...

after the first part of the prog, we had to get into discussion groups around tables in another room. i was busting for a pee so i went to the loo and by the time i came into that room, most of the spaces had been filled. the 1st table i saw tt had a seat was the table with the hunk and was occupied mostly by makciks. so i asked if i could join them. unfortunately i got kicked off the table when the facilitator came cos one of the speakers was supposed to sit there. doh. plans were foiled! haha.

no matter. after that session, we headed back to the auditorium. sat in the same place with the hunk in front of me. after the thing was over, for some reason his pencil flipped all the way into my row. then when he came to retrieve it, he smiled at me. wahaha. damn nice smile. the kind that lights up his whole face and u can't help but smile back. it was lunch time.

happy happy, lining up, brooding over having to eat alone. then when it was my turn at the buffet, guess who turned up beside me? thaaaat's right. haha. he poked me with his fork! accidentally of course. then i was like, eh u alone here ah? then he's like, ya. i said, ok bes, u're eating with me then. he said, haha ok can. how smooth am i?

we sat down, had a nice lunch and chat, talking about ways to improve the community and crap. after that, went on a tour of the nacli grounds. he was telling me really funny stories. i can't remember what they're about though. hmm. one of the makciks was there too and she asked if he had kids. that's when he said yeah, one. shattered my hopes. wahaha. no lah of cos not, never assume tt anyone is single mah. was just enjoying his company. beats eating alone in a room full of strangers ok.

so that's the story of the hot but not gay married guy who has a kid. no, we did not exchange numbers or anything. just bid each other a fond farewell. the end.

in related news, had a neighbourhood committee meeting last night. we're having a party in april. guess who got bullied into becoming the emcee? FUCK ok. i get stage fright dammit!! i mentioned this problem but everyone was insistent. my claims of getting stage fright and not being good with audiences went unheard. i thought being in a committee was supposed to make u feel empowered, not powerless. looks like i'm gonna have to get a sorethroat on that day. hmm. yes yes, schemer. remember that we don't plan to fail, but we fail to plan.

saturday saturday (how boring are my headings?)

watched munich. it was kinda slow and boring at times and i was wondering what the hell was going on. but it was pretty good... eric bana is so damn hot ok. HOT. movie was shot 70s style so u do feel like u were right there with them. cool. mad crush on eric now. wahaha. for details on what happened after the movie, please refer to rohana's blog. haha. i agree, the dude ain't tt good looking. the girl ain't impressive either. he has a nice bod tho.

today shon and i went for a beginners' skating class at east coast. reason shon came along was cos faisal went and pulled his hamstrings so he was in pain and couldn't go. needed to find a replacement, so shon to the rescue! thanks beb. we know how to stop now! wahaha. mystery solved. now i wanna go buy new blades. the guys who taught us were damn cool lah. so funny. we were dying of thirst so we made our way to the food centre where we promptly downed freshly blended juices. mmm... then i asked shon the unthinkable.

"so, is there anything good to eat here?"

doh. think i'm the only singaporean who would ask that at the famous east coast food centre. wahaha. was feeling for mama (cos im sick of nasi padang) so had mutton chop and shon had rojak. freaking ex! if i had known i wouldn't have had it. haha. but it was ok. my aunt makes better mutton chop. same aunt who runs the chicken rice stall. she rocks ok. having a baby soon. woohoo! yaaaaay new toy!! think it's a girl. hmm feel like adopting her as a god daughter. or maybe will just get her something extravagant when she's born. will see what happens.

i digress.

after that we went to bedok and i did the unthinkable. i went budget shopping. spent 34 bucks and got 5 items. not bad eh? now now, before everyone starts going into cardiac arrest, let me explain. this shop sold factory rejects of branded stuff. see, not so hard to breathe now right? haha. good stuff lah, quality and value. wicked. was in dire need of new clothes anyway. the item i'm most excited about is the work pants. 10 bucks. score. haha. need to take the hips in a bit tho. well... ok, i'm lying. there's another item which i got for $7 that i am truly excited about, but i shall not mention it here... except that its white with spots in shades of purple and pink. heh. heh. heh.

came home and had ben and jerry's chubby hubby. not bad. all in all a pretty relaxing sat. tho it's bloody hot sia. and i really need to get my finances under control. pay comes in on mon! woohoo!

100th post/ special announcement

ladies and gentlemen, i am pleased to announce that I PASSED MY M9!! wahaha. i know, it's about time right?? i swear the moments before i clicked submit were the most horrific 5 seconds of my entire life. ok ok, maybe my entire year so far. feels like a great burden has been lifted man. couldn't stop shaking for a good 15 min after the paper. sighs. no more stupid m9 text! and i am officially qualified to do what i've been doing at work. hmm.

ok seeing how it's the 100th post, i guess it's time to reflect on the past 99? urhm...... ok ok, so i'm a whiny biatch. but it's my blog so quote toooooo baaaaaaad unquote. wahaha.

plenty of sales going on. 50% off at aldo (50%!!). charles and keith clearance. topshop and dorothy perkins sale. giordano having a black phrase... oh man. 5 days to pay. i can hold on...

i know, completely uninspired post right. wahaha. on the bright side, i found browne's choc chill at marketplace in city hall. bliss... i miss perth soo bad it's not funny. sigh. rohana i can't wait for the trip ah. bring it on!!

sundays with naz

tired ah. here are some nuggets from my favourite pick me up book.

"the culture that we have does not make people feel good about themselves. and you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it."

"life is a series of pulls back and forth. you want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. you take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
a tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. and most of us live somewhere in the middle."
sounds like a wrestling match, i say.
"a wrestling match." he laughs. "yes, you could describe life that way."
so which side wins, i ask.
"which side wins?"
he smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
"love wins. love always wins."

---tuesdays with morrie, mitch albom---

p.s. next post will be the 100th. anyone got ideas?

inner ambition

i have come to the conclusion that being a housewife can't be that bad after all. had an off day today for the 1st time in quite a while (ok, 2 wks) and i thoroughly enjoyed staying home and doing nothing all day. not that i'm saying housewives do nothing all day. i did clean my room. haha. also managed to catch ever after: a cinderella story and the three musketeers. i love medieval themed movies... can't get enough of the swashbuckling heroes too. haha. missed you got served though. damn.

i miss my bumming around days. however, i shall be grateful that i have a job, even though i'm plotting on how to get out of it. or make it more bearable.

speaking of work, had to do a presentation on wed in the morn. kinda like a rehearsal for when i will eventually have to give presentations at military camps. *gasp* those who know me, know that i absolutely hate having to speak in front of an audience. scares me shitless.

needless to say, that presentation bombed big time. there were 2 of us giving presentations. i completely forgot everything that i wanted to say and just speeded through the whole thing. sucked ok. the observers said that the both of us had the presence, just needed to practice more. my team leader reckons mine is more of a confidence problem. he's absolutely right, of course.

so they arranged for us to have another presentation in the afternoon, keeping their earlier feedback in mind and this time with a bigger audience. it did not suck as much. haha. phew. my colleague will be presenting for real on fri at a camp. i won't be presenting as yet cos i'm not scheduled for a talk until the 1st of march. will start shitting myself and praying for a sorethroat when the date draws nearer.

in the meantime, everyone please pray that i pass my exam next week as it will be the third bloody time i'm sitting for it. if i don't pass i swear to god it's a sign i should just forget about this industry. then again, passing this is probably more doable than me finding someone willing to marry me within the next year and a half.

sunday bloody sunday

oh man, it's sunday night already?? noooooo! actually, tomoro won't be so bad lah. cos got training from 9 to 5. go home early. woohoo! then again i have a presentation this wed which i haven't prepared for. will be sitting for that goddamned exam AGAIN next wed. bummer aaaahhhhhh! can cry ok. sighs.

anyways, my new phone has been given the name Tobias. learn it, know it, love it. wahaha. got a handstrap big enough for my hand at bugis for $10.90. man... so much for saving. still haven't got any bling though. hmm.

u know what, it really truly is a small world. met diyana and sharyl on sat for shopping, dinner and sheesha. last min, di wanted to see her cousins off at the airport. she promised that they were cute. i was not disappointed. haha. thing is, i swear i had met them or heard of them somewhere before. started thinking and thinking... then it struck me when we were sitting at popeye's. one of her apparently single cousins is allegedly the bf of one of my seniors! so i'm like, hmmmm... the information is getting verified at the moment. will keep u guys posted. haha.

we headed to arab st after the airport cos sharyl the sheesha virgin (not anymore) wanted to try some. i tell u ah, arab st is happening sia. but it's a bit like a kampung melayu + middle eastern people thingy. not that i'm complaining, cos there was eye candy. hehe. we also discovered during the course of the night that di gets turned on when i meow. wahahahaha. *airing other people's laundry* di i hope u don't mind. ;)

all in all, was a great sat. we should go do that again! *meow*

yippedee doo dah

i have a new baby. :D been eyeing it for the longest time and now i got my hands on it. samsung e730c... looks like almost all my birthday wishes have come true (i would include a link to my old blog with the birthday post but i'm too lazy). whoever meets me from now on, i'm gonna make you touch it. cos you'll fall in love like i did. matte finish... gorgeous. i would post a pic but then i'm too lazy.

went to town with diyana a couple of days ago and oh man, why so many foreigners?? think there's a navy ship in town or something. mrt on the way back was super packed and most of the similar looking botak and big guys got off at tanah merah. i rest my case.

tomoro i will be at the fullerton hotel. why? cos my sis is having her prom there and i'll be doing her make up. she got a room cos she's one of the organisers. needless to say, i'm parking my fat ass there for the duration of the prom until they get back. unless someone wants to accompany me and walk around esplanade while bitching about how sorry your lovelife is and staring in blinding green jealousy at lovey-dovey couples. who's in? you know my number!

*sighs* absurdly happy these past couple of days. god knows why. rohana does too. wahahahahaha.

Melancholy may enter your soul, and ambush your happiness; but it will prepare you for true joy. Melancholy drives out all other emotions and feelings, so the source of all goodness may occupy the whole house. It shakes the yellow leaves from the tree, allowing fresh leaves to grow. It pulls up old bodily pleasures by the roots, allowing divine spiritual pleasures to be planted. Melancholy takes many things from the soul, in order to bring better things in return.

-Rumi, "Masnavi"

gloom bloom

i don't get it. how come so many people today asked me why i was so gloomy? granted i was dressed all in black... but what the hell? for the record, i always start the day out pretty neutral until the first human interaction i have. if it's positive, i'll be happy. if it's negative, then it just spoils the rest of my day. yeah i know, just get over it and move on and don't let that one incident ruin my day. i can't help it. sensitip you know. wahaha.

as i was saying, most of my colleagues were like, eh why look so moody? i'm like, argh i'm not!! you guys are making me moody though! haha. not all of them lah of cos. i realise that i get along better with the male colleagues. perhaps because i keep a certain distance. hmm. don't spend too much time with them.

eh happy house stuff is nice ahhh. very colourful and bright and happy. god knows i need those right now. *hint hint* i want the cushion! and the handphone bling... but then i saw other hangphone hanging thingys that are cute. then again since when do i do cute? ok mebbe will get the cute hanging thing (mini animal soft toys in weird colours) for my gym lock. it might get stolen though... hmm. assuming people are that evil ah.

i want new hp accessories cos i need to get a new phone. note, need. cos i dropped my phone yesterday and it started to die on me randomly thereafter. bugger. could've had a new phone by now but my batt was running low and i wasn't done transferring all my numbers. having to do this made me wonder why i lived with the inconvenience that is my phone model for this long. sheesh.


and if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

it is absurd to divide people into good and bad. people are either charming or tedious.

some people create happiness wherever they go, others, whenever they go.

monday blues

i have to be at work in 11 hours. this sucks because i don't want to be at work. i'm not even needed there. i hate it when i have nothing even remotely important to do. this is not what work is supposed to be about. i'm supposed to have responsibilities dammit. do stuff. not just sit around and read random information online. i'm possibly one of the few people who are complaining about the lack of things to do at work. my brain cells are dying.

can the weekend just last forever please?

i don't think your heart is supposed to feel this heavy on a sunday night when you think about what you have to do on monday. if this carries on for any longer, i might get clinically depressed. that's my expert opinion.

this will probably be one of my bigger regrets- signing the bond too early and listening to my parents instead of to my gut. dammit.

itchy hands

after lunch on fri, my colleagues and i went to bras basah complex cos a couple of them wanted to get some art supplies. we went to art friend and i fell in love with my, uh, first love, all over again. easels! canvases! super soft brushes! paints in the colours of the rainbow and every shade in between! blocks of wood! carving tools!

felt a keen sense of loss at not having done anything even remotely artsy or fartsy for quite a long time. i want to go back to the drawing board. literally.

saw all these cool art students and the like there. then i started wondering, how would i dress and how would i behave if i didn't care what other people thought? what would i do? after some pondering, i came to the conclusion that i would probably experiment a lot with clothes and hair. i'd get mine super short and coloured. and i'd wear all sorts of rubbish. cos i'm an artist and i'm entitled to it dammit! haha. happening lah.

person person

ok as promised, here is a post.i have come to realise after almost 24 years that i am just not a people person. i am a person person. the difference? 'people' would imply a group of persons. i'm no good with groups. i don't like groups. i prefer interacting with individuals. because once u're in a group, u tend to modify your behaviour towards the group norm. how original can that get?

i have always been in groups by default. unfortunately, i like to make new acquaintances and tire of people easily. so when i start to get to know others, somehow or other i also get ostracised from the original group. for not being one of them anymore. i think this is bullshit. whatever happened to freedom of movement? why can't i just hang out with everyone? it's not like i pledged allegience to any one group. pfft.

i am also incapable of getting super close to people and spending too much time with them. yeah, i am THAT annoying. wahaha. of cos there are exceptions to the above rules. i do have a group of close friends. have known each other for over a decade now, and still going pretty strong. and some new friends who i just click with without effort. love ya babes!

in light of my appalling lack of ability to handle groups, i made friends with the new admin girl. went around offering choc biscuits to everyone then when i got to her she's like, can we have lunch together next week? i was like, damn, wish guys were that direct. wahaha. anyways, talked a bit and found out that she was my cousin's ex-colleague! small world eh? so i'm like, yeah sure, i'll intro you to all the other girls. but knowing me i'll go have lunch with her only lah. wahaha. i like individuals.

also, found out she has a dip in fashion design. how cool is that? immediately asked if she would wanna design for me if the opportunity was open. coincidence right? so now i'm glad that at least it seems that there was a damn good reason why i was posted to this stinking department. happiness.

ok ah i think god is trying to tell me something else besides "u're no good with people. accept the fact that u're gonna die alone and lonely. get over it, move on." for the third time in as many months, someone is dangling kittens in front of my nose. KITTENS!! you guys are killing me. seriously. don't joke about kitties. i waaaaaaant. sooooo baaaad it's not funny.

god is telling me "get a cat." it's not even a want anymore, it's a need. people with pets are better adjusted, psychologically. adjust to what, i dunno. but i need one right now. sighs.

land of the ramly burger

ok so got back from my terengganu trip. learnt some things along the way:

1. i am never going on any long bus trips again EVER. road trips in cars are ok. trains are ok. planes are ok. buses are not. unless it's one of those luxury executive ones ah. then again, it still wouldn't be my cup of tea because
2. i hate their public loos. seriously. held my pee for more than 6 hours ok! until i really die die couldn't tahan and my bladder was screaming for mercy. even sacrificed drinking my usual copious amounts of water cos i foresaw this toilet problem. and ended up getting dehydrated.
3. darker objects do appear smaller. a tan really does make you look slimmer. got that nice sheen too. hehe. i like... managed to bake and not burn.
4. i gain weight alarmingly easily. no shit lah. gut coming back. noooo. yeah ok, my fault.

what else ah... can't remember. anyways, it was fun even though some parts were boring and a total waste of my time. loved lepaking by the pool... and falling asleep in the sun while reading a good book. bliss... i wanna do that again!

urhm that's it. sleepy ah. ciao.

one for the weekend

ok something to entertain you guys while i go on a much needed trip out of the country and across the border.

i fell in the toilet on thurs morning. flat on my arse. was late for work, woke up at 8.30 (an hour behind schedule), so was rushing. result- one sore elbow, one sore foot, couple of scratches on my wrist, bruise on back and a much diminished ego.

i sooo need a massage. also need to improve my balance.


HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, PEOPLE!

for those born in '82, it's our time! let the dogs out man...

on mc

i think i'm a total sotong. why? cos i went to the polyclinic just now and wasted a lot of time. i took my number and asked the receptionist person, do blood donors get priority? she said yes, then i showed her my donor card. apparently i had the wrong one, they only accept the green one. i'm like, what green one? she's like, you don't have one? urhm, no... so i'm like, ok fine, it's not like i'm in a hurry.

so i sat there and waited for my turn outside the doc's room. i smsed shon abt it and shon said that they don't give out the green ones anymore. what the hell right? means mine can accept lah! blur receptionist. saw people who came in after me getting into the rooms of other docs ahead of me. sheesh. wat the hell was my doc doing in there?? so slow siaaaa!

finally it was my turn. think he knew that i was just there for a damned mc lah. i didn't make anything up, just told him, headache, cold, sore throat for the past 3 days. i said i didn't have a fever but it seems like i might get one soon. then he checked my throat and took my temperature. it was 36.5. he said, hmm let's try the other ear. wahahahahahaha. hilarious. then he gave me mc and prescribed me panadol and lozenges.

i then went to the area where i saw everyone else going for payment and prescription. just sat there for about 15 min, my number didn't come up. i'm like, hmm... then my mum called, cos she was done with her errands and wanted to know if i was done yet. told her i was waiting to pay and collect medicine. she said, did you put your prescription in the box? urhmmm...

found the box, put prescription in, got called up for payment 5 min later. by this time my mum had joined me ah. then she wanted to go do something else so i was stuck there waiting AGAIN to collect medicine. can vomit blood sia. not sick also can become sick. i absolutely hate waiting. *whine*

the things i do to get out of work. haha. best part is, think i only spent a total of 2 days at work this week. half day on mon, off on tues, had exam on wed so was out of office for about half the day, went to work on thurs and i'm on mc now. hmm 2 days and i still feel like it's way too much work. what a chore.

predictable?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

round two

so right, after the bsb concert i was feeling ultra happy with the world. started to reflect on the bane of my existence- work. i decided, you know what, screw it all lah. let the love flow people! so i hatched a plan. was wondering what would be the best way to ease the tension with the least amount of effort and awkwardness.

i came in to work this morning and bumped into x at the lift lobby. i gave her a hug.

keep the backstreet pride alive

ok bored at work so i'm gonna write an entry then post it later... urhm bored cos i just sat for my exam and i failed it. again. this time possibly by only one mark. yeah, i know.

on to funner things. went to the backstreet boys concert! it was awesome! hehehe. felt young all over again... well, felt old also ah seeing how they were last here 10 freaking years ago. janji melayu to the core man. sheesh. concert was complete with cheesy boyband dance moves (albeit not many. dah tua aper) and professions of love from the boys. which would have worked if i were 8 years younger but i know better now! marketing ploy. pfft.

despite being more mature and privy to the ways of the world (ahem) i have fallen in love with howie d all over again. he is a total sweetheart ok! soooo charismatic! such a great dancer too... he interacted the most with the audience. wish he had sung more solo bits. great voice. but nooo that stupid nick had to sing so much. sheesh. ala sweet lah. i could've gone star chasing but nah... had an exam to study for. shouldn't have bothered sia. could've gotten pics and autographs and shit. dammit. had 1.5 days off sommore! ARGH. i could kick myself.

this episode has led me to conclude that crushing is bloody brilliant. aishah and i were all giggly and squealing and excited, much to vic's horror. haha. boyband songs also have a tendency to make one feel really good for some reason. came out of it feeling like i had been exposed to an excessive amount of happy hormones. fantastic. next time i'm getting front row tickets man!! was way too far away. too far.

mills, mill's mum and yana went to the concert too. they got upgraded to the more ex seats. no fair!! after the concert i hitched a ride with them in the cab. we were at a traffic light and there were these 2 guys on a bike beside us. i noticed that they were looking in at us. so i casually told mills and yana that the pillion was cute (he was cute). guess what mills did? she took a photo of him!! wahaha. hilarious. the flash was damn bright so no way in hell he missed it. the question is, did he realise we were taking a photo of him, or did he think we were taking self portraits? guess we will never know...

in other news...

i had ben and jerry's choc chip cookie dough ice-cream just now... mmmmm... it was goooood. urhm had a whole pint... and enjoyed every spoonful. been indulging too much lah, i know. can't help it, it's how i handle stress. haha. i can feel my belly coming back. not funny!! must... control...

made an appointment with the dentist tomoro. yay! i owe him a visit from july 2005. wahaha. oops. must remember to draw money... but then ah, the person who answered was indon and i'm not sure if i made an appointment at the right place. couldn't hear what she said at first, bad phone line. should be ok lah... can't wait.

i'm going to the backstreet boys concert! yay! wahaha. bought tix just now. i happen to have an exam on wed too. good ah. go for a concert the night before an exam. what else is new... pray that i pass guys, pray that i pass...

anyone else out there ever get the feeling that something is missing but you don't know what it is? like this feeling of restlessness? did i ask this question before? hmm...

ding ding. round one.

as i promised, this is an elaboration of what has been going on between x and i.

i hate authority/ being supervised. if the person is of a higher rank than me, fine, i don't mind. if the person is the same rank and is trying to ya-ya papaya and act big, i find that a problem. for quite a while now, x has been trying to tell me what to do. i didn't bloody ask for her opinion lor. it would be ok if she says nicely or merely suggests, but she doesn't. she uses this tone that i find irritating cos it undermines my position and makes it seem like she's up there. no way man, no way. her excuse is that she is direct and people should deal with it. well my excuse is that she's an inconsiderate bitch with a holier than thou attitude. so i'm being sensitive. she should deal with it.

i don't like extras. u know the kind, everything also wanna be involved, but does not tell others what it's about. what the hell? what kind of edge does that give her? the kind who suka action busy, abih kalau tengok orang tak buat kerja dia macam offended gitu... please lah. what has my work got to do with her work? nothing.

today, the stand off continues. i talked to everyone in the office except her and she did the same. wahaha. difference between me and her is, i don't put in extra effort to talk to people excessively or talk to people i don't usually talk to. she did. i say it's a sign of guilt. trying to make up for something, obviously. the colleague who was sitting beside me kinda guessed that something was up, i reckon. cos she was a bit uneasy. feel bad lah that she felt that way. i was completely normal towards her, so i think she got confused too. oops. i didn't even look at x or acknowledge her presence and vice versa.

am i wrong for not being the bigger person (figuratively) and breaking the tension first? probably. i wanted to be normal again this morning, but when i saw her walk in... changed my mind. cos she detoured to the other side of the office to get to her desk instead of walking behind me. another sign of guilt. she was also like extra happy today, always walking over to the other side to talk to our other colleagues until one of them was like, 'why do you keep coming over here and talking to me??'. so with all the guilt and tension there, i'm quite surprised that she hasn't said anything.

yes i'm making her squirm big time. i'm not enjoying it, but it has to be done. i hate being ostracised, excluded and ignored. so if you do it to me, i'm gonna do it right back. don't pretend you don't know what you're doing and try to deny it. please, i double majored in psych. i eat this stuff for breakfast. who are you trying to kid?

see, this is why i prefer small intimate groups and one on one interactions as compared to big groups. cos it can get messy. really messy. it's very hard to pay attention to everyone and sooner or later some people are bound to get marginalised, whether intentional or not. i know this happens so usually i try my best to include everyone/ get myself included. but once it's more hassle than it's worth, i'd rather jump off the edge voluntarily. if you know what i mean.

the big question now is, who is going to make the first move? should i?

it's been a hard day's night

on sat i had one of the worst and one of the best days at work. let's start with the good part first.

saturdays, i call up the boys from the camps where we gave our talks and ask them if they wanna sign up. since i started a couple of months back, i have never closed a case over the phone. last week i made an appointment for one of them and he ended up coming down and getting a plan, so that was good. this sat, i closed 4 over the phone. wahaha. it was damn awesome lah. felt a great sense of accomplishment. one of them was a living policy sommore (ok so still pending but more or less sealed ah). some people will know what i mean by living policy.

oh ya, spent the whole day at tekong on fri, had 3 talks in total. was a bad day for cases overall, but i did a personal best by closing about 3 cases. woohoo... and we also managed to go shopping in tekong! wahaha. spent less than 20 bucks and managed to get shorts, a t shirt and a running tank. oh man... see, shopping and girls. nothing can come between them. yeah yeah, action military personnel... and i get half day on mon too! cos fri overtime mah. yaaaay! i digress.

i narrowed down a few reasons why i managed to do well with the calling this time round. first, i changed my approach. was less formal, and was a bit more persuasive and, uh, flirty. but that was only becos he went in that direction. he called me ira ok!! i was like, what the hell... referred to himself using the 3rd person too. then i'm like, ok lah gasak ah, try ajer. second, i changed my seat. i usually call from my desk, but this time i moved to an empty cubicle far away from everyone else. i think my desk has bad fengshui lah. also got a lot of government there (will elaborate later. this ties in with the 'worst' part). third... well i guess i'd just had enough. told myself, that's it, u don't go home until u close at least one. thank god. those boys totally made my day.

ok for the worst part. i came in to work normal, even happy. 3 of my colleagues were there already, so ok said hi, etc. but then for some reason, i suddenly felt ostracised. i dunno if it was just me or if it was really happening. truth of the matter is, there was tension. i'm like, hmm. a couple of them were ok but one of them (let's call her x) was not. the tension was between me and x. i believe i touched on the whole universal language thing before. it happened again. none of them bothered to switch when i came so they carried on talking, thereby effectively excluding me. i was so so sick of trying by that time, so i thought, fine, whatever. not gonna ask them to do a channel 5. not missing much. x was actually the one who i thought would take the initiative and switch, but she didn't. maybe i felt betrayed? i dunno. whatever it is, it just got worse as the day wore on. when my other colleague came in, they switched. i'm like, what the fuck? so everyone was happily chatting and no one bothered to acknowledge my presence or draw me into the conversation. sakit hati ok. why did i not join in myself? well i didn't feel very thick skinned that day. and since it was an individual vs group, i think the onus is always on the group.

so anyways, everyone except x eventually talked to me. was fine with that. had nothing against anyone else. i left the office quite a number of times to go to the loo, fill bottle, etc. one time i walked in and x was talking. she said something like, 'yeah i'm direct so sometimes people can't take it'. that's when i knew for sure that she knew damn well that i was not happy with her ah. why am i not happy with her? cos certain things happened over the course of the week ah. shall not elaborate now, cos this post getting long already. haha. bottomline, we're not on talking terms. i will happily admit that it is partially my fault. how does this tie in to government, u ask? well let's just say that some people think they can boss other people around. due to this, i changed my seat. could not stand even being in her proximity. did my calling in peace at the further end of the row of desks and i did good. bad fengshui in the original seat.

argh rambling... just putting down thoughts. excuse the pointlessness. so yeah. did good at work, but office politics and friendships are bringing me down.

new do?

I WANT HER HAIR!! when i saw her at the golden globes i was like, goddammit she has my hair!! it's EXACTLY how i pictured my next hairstyle. cut, colour and all. sighs. so how, think i can pull it off? might have to make the ultimate sacrifice and get my hair rebonded or relaxed though. hmm.

ok ok i would like to have the body too but let's be a bit (very little bit) more realistic shall we?

weird people on buses

ok been meaning to write about this particular issue for ages and now i have the time to do so.

it seems that i attract weird people on public transport. especially buses. i hate it when strangers come into physical contact with me. like when they sit too near. get the hell away from me! touch not! sheesh. there's this thing called personal space ok. don't try to get in uninvited! both men and women. especially men. the ones who sit with their legs damn wide apart like they've got the biggest balls in the world. also the ones who sit damn close and breathe loudly. idiots.

just now, a random stranger on the bus actually spoke to me ok. she was sitting behind me. i was happily listening to my (my mother's) radio, turned up really loud and destroying my eardrums, when i felt a tap on my shoulder. i'm like, apesey. then she asked me, 'excuse me, do u know what reckless means?' so i told her. she had these pieces of yellow paper with red chinese characters on them and was reading the english out to me so that i could explain to her. apparently they were fortunes from her temple. uh ok... so she went on and on. at this point i was only a few stops from home sweet home so i was like, yeah, uh huh, ok. then she whipped out this pic of her and her bf and how her aunt didn't approve but she just knew that he was worth it and she was being stubborn, etc etc. thank god my stop was next. so i beat a hasty exit.

what the hell? i would say that talking to strangers and telling them your life story is reckless. her fortune told her not to be reckless. there it goes.

detox time

i, nazira binte abdul hamid, promise to stop pigging out in the abhorrent way that i have been doing so for the past month (christmas until now, people). starting 16 january 2006, i will think before i eat. i will not have chocolate on a daily basis. i will stop snacking. i will not eat just because it is lunch time. i will eat only when i feel like i will faint if i don't. i will incorporate fruit and veggies into my diet. i will eat breakfast. i will not eat after 8pm. i will stop reflecting so much on whether to go to the gym or not. if my bag is packed and i carried it all the way to work, i will damn well go to the blooming gym. i will go to the gym at least 3 times a week. if i don't go to the gym i will go to the reservoir or get in some other sort of exercise. shopping does not count as exercise. i will stop making excuses. i will lose another 10kg by hajar's wedding (15 weeks time). i will be trim, toned and fabulous by the aforementioned event.

i take all of you as witnesses to my testament above. please declare that you have witnessed this by making a comment. thank you for your cooperation.

when good people try to influence smart people

i was recently exposed to multi level marketing(mlm). well ok, not quite. i went for a demo becos i couldn't make it for the 'marketing plan' session. i will be going for the 'marketing plan' session sometime next week. the demo was for cookware. like what the hell rite? so inappropriate for me. i only know how to eat. wahaha. anyways. was falling asleep, i wasn't that impressed ah, to tell u the truth. i did meet loads of people who were impressed though. she made cake and popcorn on the stove top amidst oohs and aahs. so freaking what?

me being the skeptic, just sat there and listened. i couldn't help but analyze. come on, psych major mah. bound to happen. these people were very good at hyping people up and promising material gains. i was very drawn to the travel opportunities. very. but then again they were doing it in style. i'm more like budget, off the beaten track, keep it real. well for now cos that's all i'm assuming i will be able to afford soon. wahaha. and i think it's more meaningful if u know u worked hard and earned that trip. for them it was more like getting 5 star treatment and living in the lap of luxury... which i will eventually get to, if i work smart... i digress.

so, i was introduced to my ex-colleague's (the friend who brought me there), i dunno, higher up? recruiter? that person lah. nice lady but she made several mistakes in my oh-so-critical eyes. first, she asked if i was working and where. i said yeah, insert employer name here. her next question- clerical? oh fucking hell no! told her, exec(thank you very much!). don't make me slap u silly with my degree. yeah yeah i know, throw one stone will definitely hit a grad. does not mean that it's worthless ok! money is common. is it worthless? i rest my case.

secondly, she indirectly insulted me. i told her that i'm busy, got a lot of commitments, may not have time to do all this. my friend told her that i had a family business and i was gonna enter as an official partner (i'll blog about this later ok) soon. the recruiter (i refuse to call her higher up) was like, hmm u'll need capital, no guarantee that it will work, this scheme is risk free... excuuuuse me. some people have other aspirations other than just to make easy money ok. i let that one slide cos obviously this nice, good, mother of four (i don't know why i needed to know that) does not know any better.

thirdly, she was pushing the lifestyle u can get more than she was pushing what u actually have to do to get there. which led me to conclude that it probably wasn't that great and she'd been selling her soul to get where she is now. think she was also doin some bragging. masuk bakul angkat sendiri. haha. do i look like i can get taken in by all these ploys? geez... look at your audience before u start your sales pitch ya. all the stuff she was listing as positives... i really didn't care much about them. dunno if she saw my eyes shifting away or my face going blank. haha.

urhm think those are a few of the reasons. i dunno. i just wasn't convinced at all. gut feeling. they're all really nice people but it seems like they've been sold the promise of a dream and all their hopes are on it. some have done well and the others are aspiring to be like them. good lah, at least they have dreams. they were all saying how i would probably do well, partly cos i'm young. think i got nothing better to do ah? i'm not gonna waste my youth on mlm and selling shit even outside of work hours. pfft. it felt like they were trying to convert me or something.

personally i prefer to take risks. put in the blood, sweat and tears. the reward would be sweeter in the end. though u shouldn't be stupid about it lah. take calculated risks. make sure u have some emergency plan and back up too. then take the money and run.

need... patience...

i found something else to get irritated about. i HATE it when people talk to u and find it an absolute need to poke u at the beginning/middle/end of each sentence to get their point across. like wtf?? i can HEAR u well enough ok! was sitting beside my fren's very animated mum for freaking TWO HOURS. think my eye started twitching at the end of the 1st 5 minutes. i swear my left side is gonna have finger indents.

i hate it even more when they don't aim where they are poking. had to keep my arm/ bag across my chest the whole time. even then, my boobs still got attacked. WTF!!! argh... learnt my lesson. when we went to makan i made sure i put someone between me and her mum. phew. i don't like physical contact like that. i just don't ok. annoying...

also, think my fats are making a comeback, people. discipline is no match for a voracious appetite and sloth. but i'm gonna keep fighting... and i have new gym buddies. woohoo! my buddy caught a totally hot guy checking me out. wahaha. all is not lost, there is still hope for me. either that or he was gay and thinking, "omg, that girl needs a queer eye. call the fashion police!". whatever. he was haaawt. i need to keep my fitness mantra in mind if i'm ever gonna reach my goal. sighs.

inside me lives a slim woman dying to get out. i can usually shut the bitch up with chocolate.

uh no that's not the mantra. wahaha.

next big ticket item?

isn't this, like, the cutest darn thing ever? if it were a kid i'd pinch it's cheeks. if it were a kitten i'd squish it to death. if it were a guy i'd... hmm nah not my type. wahaha.

toyota yaris. known as toyota vitz in sg... aaarrrggghhh i waaant... so bug-y and adorable. reminds me of my ultimate single woman car- 206 cc peugeot. mmm...

so cute so cute... so darn CUTE.

decisions decisions

i have a dilemma. my mum wants her portable radio back. i don't wanna give it back cos it's my only companion on those long bus rides to and from the gym. solution- buy myself a radio. but i don't wanna do that cos i wanna get a new phone with radio, mp3 player and the whole shebang... thing is, it would cost me 200 bucks. i'm not willing to part with 200 bucks just yet. trying to build up some sort of savings lah... also cos i'm gonna need to buy contacts soon. that would cost me about 300 bucks for a year's supply. stupid frigging astig!! hmm mebbe i could just stick to the glasses. not like wearing contacts makes any difference. pfft. cause trouble only, eyes so dry...

i ramble. anyways, i dunno... somebody help me make a decision can? get a new phone or don't give my mum her radio back?? haha.

a summary

Tears & Rain

I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
Tears and rain
Far, Far away;find comfort in pain
All pleasures the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Its more than just words; its just tears and rain

James Blunt

obviously you have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn

hmm think i'm gonna get my first customer complaint soon. thing is, she's not exactly an external customer but a staff member. it's complicated ah but to cut a long story short, she called me unprofessional and rude. moi? i don't think so lor. not when it comes to work anyways. whatever it is, our calls are all recorded so nyeh nyeh.

my mistake was probably not calling her to tell her that she was ineligible (because she was a certain type of employee) for the project that we were doing and to cancel her appointment. i thought the colleague who i handed her case to was gonna do it. i thought wrong. no harm done there though, cos she was coming down to do some work anyway.

she was the kind who would ramble on and on about things that were not even related to the issue at hand. yeah you know, that kind. at the end of the first call she gave me, she got mad at my calmness and hung up. during this call i tried many times to explain the situation but she kept insisting she was right.

then quite a while later she called back to give me 'feedback' that i was unprofessional and rude. once again, i let her do the talking. she went ahead and accused me of forcing her to come down. there's this word called 'no' that she can use right. and please lah, i'm not so hard up that i would force anyone to come down. i'm always diplomatic and open, hookay. then i said "is there anything else i can do for you today? no? thank you for the feedback, bye!". wahaha.

picked the wrong pms-ing bitch to mess with. emailed my head to let him know what happened in case she did complain. bring it on man. i'm itching for a fight to relieve some (ok, a lot of) pent up angst. hmm wonder if she realised that i was patronizing her...

whatever it is, our calls are recorded. nyeh nyeh.

indulgence

things that make me forget that i am pms-ing. in the order that the lords of blogger decided to upload them.

exhibit A: mauboussin subtile dualite ring. diamonds, pink sapphires and yellow tourmalines in 24k gold. i think.
exhibit B: bvlgari cicladi ring in 24k gold. my preferred independent woman ring. all the discs spin, people!
exhibit C: ice-cream with accessories. preferably all choc and no sharing.
exhibit D: max brenner choc fondue. mmm...
exhibit E: ashley.

i indulged in ben & jerry's choc fudge brownie ice- cream yest. it was good. then i had coffee bean's new belgian choc ice blended today. pure decadence. it's an absolute must try ok. even though it costs 6 freaking bucks. robbery man. robbery.

gggggggrrrrrr aaarrrgggghhhh!!!!!

pet peeve: people wasting my time.

there was a fucking long jam at tamp interchange just now. was in the fucking interchange itself for about half an hour. a 10 min journey home took one fucking hour ok!! half of which was spent in the fucking interchange!! unbelievable!! KNNBCCB!! fuck ok. fuck.
discovered the reason why when we were on the way out of the goddamned interchange- bloody cars diverting from some fucking road into the road that the buses usually use. what the fuck?? use your fucking brains can or not?? don't fucking go where the buses are!! and for fuck's sake give fucking way!! there happened to be construction on the road. for fucking long already ok. dig this hole, fill up that hole, what the fuck for?? fuckers.

my horoscope for today: You're a fire sign, and as such, you tend to have a rather fiery nature. Right about now, that fire is running hot, as anyone who tries your patience will soon discover.

FUCK.

resolutions

these are mine
what are yours?

bonjour 2006

ok lah i don't really hv anything to blog abt but i just thought i should have something up since it's the 1st day of the year and all...

went to yasmine's house to chill with her and yaya. watched the good girl and only managed half of eternal sunshine on the spotless mind as i had to go home to attend a dinner tt one of my aunts was hosting.

wore my light pink pants to chill at yasmine's. it was pouring with rain when i went home. note to self, light coloured pants r hard to keep clean. just like my theory on how fair things r harder to keep clean. lol.

dinner was alright. there were makciks who brought their daughters along and they happened to be pretty good looking. so i start the year with a diminished ego. *sighs* another note to self, u're not all that. wahaha. the hot relatives who i hoped to see did not turn up. the mum and the younger bro were there. he was pretty good looking. aunt told me tt the bro who i hv not seen looks like him. i can guarantee tt he's good looking too, in tt case.

i need to get me a mac like yasmine's.

au revoir 2005

i guess now is as good a time as any to update my blog for the last time this year. looking back, i say it's been one heck of a year. possibly one of my more interesting ones to date. hehe. random stuff that has happened:

various people i know got engaged/married/started a family.
exciting, happy stuff but at the same time i'm thinking, slow down. what's the rush? also got me worried and paranoid that i'll end up a sour old spinster cos at the advanced age of 23, i have never been in a relationship. though it's not cos of a lack of effort. hehe.
i was pretty regular on the dating field. lol.
another interesting experience. made me realise that most guys follow this pattern... which i shall not get into cos i need more dates... urhm data. some bad dates, some great dates but at the end of the year, i'm still single and available. :) the hunt continues, people! (i can hear u groaning, stop it.)
i officially graduated.
:D excellent event. it's about time! felt a pretty incredible sense of accomplishment. next up- masters in counselling. yeah, made up my mind... for now.
i got a job.
permanent, not contract. with benefits and everything... not having a good time at the moment but i can hope. brand new year brand new opportunities! if you're wondering, yeah i'm just going thru the motions so that i can get a paycheck at the end of the month. i have learned a helluva lot about an industry that used to be foreign territory to me. it's still foreign, but now i know what the landmarks are.
i became more extroverted.
i'm not sure whether this is an advantage or a disadvantage.i guess it's good that i'm friendlier towards people but it takes a helluva lot of effort. i just hope i can sustain this. or maybe i should just forget it and go back to being hostile. hmm.
i dropped some dead weight.
am currently about 10kg lighter now than i was at the beginning of the year. round of applause for moi, merci. wahaha. the battle is won but the war isn't over yet. have yet to reach my target weight and fitness level but now i have no doubt that it will happen.

ok ah i can't be bothered listing down other stuff. haha. loved 2005. here's looking forward to 2006. motto for the year? BRING IT ON!! until further notice. hehe.

to everyone who made my 2005 that bit brighter and that bit better with their presence... thank you. happy new year to you! mmmuuuaaaccckkksss

weekend fun

on saturday morning, i went wakeboarding! yes, the non swimmer who avoids water like the plague and can't swim to save her life (ok, mebbe i CAN swim, but in a pool wehre my feet can touch bottom. and only the breast stroke.) went wakeboarding! it was damn fun ah, though i think i exceeded my sodium intake for the year...

i managed to stand up on the 2nd go which surprised everyone. yeah they hv no faith in my abilities. pfft. it was sutha, faisal, faisal's fren rezal, the boat dude and moi. boat dude made me go last cos i couldn't swim.

the 2nd round, i managed a pretty long ride. was quite proud of myself hookay! but i didn't look cool. :( wasn't wearing glasses either so i couldn't see that sutha and boat dude (sorry i can't remember his name) were asking me to stand up straight and bring the handle thingy closer to my hip. it was so uncool that they called it 'naz boarding'. i think wakenaz sounds better. haha. the driver of a boat that we passed by even made fun of me... so mean right??

it was fun lah. went for lunch and then went home and slept the afternoon away. which is good cos the weather was bad and perfect for a snooze. i miss my arvo naps.

then on sun, i met up with aishah at tampines for some eating and shopping. yeah in that order. haha. saw munaji of hippo and friends fame. he is a she now and goes by the name jiji... i swear he resembles an ex- schoolmate of mine whose name shall not be mentioned... but some of u out there might guess who. wahahaha.

went to watch oi sleeping beauty with aileen and rohana in the evening. it was absolutely fabulous! funny like crazy, lots of audience participation and hatta of echoboys (won't u escape with meeee) and krayon fame looked HOT. nice arms. i'm a sucker for arms... haha. he wasn't as skinny as i thought he would be. hmm.

the 3 fairies chachambo, tipah tertipu and muneru valiva (not sure abt the spellings) were bloody brilliant. i wanna watch it again! there were some jibes at our way of life and current affairs but it was all in good fun. tongue in cheek. i think some of the more adult jokes may have been lost on the kids in the audience. hehehe. their next show is called broadway beng. i am sooo there! :D

wedding part cinq et finale

had a helluva time doing inai the night b4 the wedding... guess which hand is mine? haha.
taibah and rohana rocked up!
my mates... ala how come huda not in the pic...
my cousins. i love this pic cos it makes me look slim and freakishly tall. wahaha!
diyana came too! after having visited shazzynay in london... lucky girl (cos of london, not shazzynay. lol). kidding babe kidding...
ok so that's all for now i guess. will put up more pics when bro brings the official wedding album over aight.

wedding part quatre

at the dinner with my cousins and sis... yeah yeah camera whores run in the family.

the bridesmaids with kavi who kindly helped me by playing make up artist... and tying my saree. :)
nothing better to do, take pics lor...
bride and groom. i like her gown...

wedding part trois

what she got... dude included. haha.
what he got... well, the best thing in the hantaran, in my opinion. friggin nano hello!
what she got... yes folks those are thousand dollar bills.
what he got.
if u're interested in the brands that were available, they were tissot, apple, ralph lauren, calvin klein, paradox, zara man, lee hwa, crabtree & evelyn, cadbury, ferrero rocher, gucci, bobbi brown...

wedding part deux

shall not be lazy and will give a report on my bro's wedding. stupid blogger thing won't let me put up images in the order tt i uploade them! what the hell?? gggrrrr....

this was during the nikah... tuk kadi happens to be the same one who got my mum and dad married. cool eh? he was funny, not long winded, pretty animated.
the aftermath. my bro's new in laws... haha.
aftermath... they meet for the 1st time after being officially married.
this was before we left for the girl's place. yes shazzynay, we love dressing boriah. haha. dad and little bro missing cos they went to fetch the tuk kadi from jurong.

doh

i flirted unintentionally with a lieutenant when i was at pulau tekong. he was well- mannered, helpful and had impeccable english. so i was fooled into believing he was chinese (also cos he looked chinese, albeit a very tanned one, and was playing basketball. ah stereotypes) until he told us his name right at the end. he had a damned hot bod hookay. got caught checking him out tho. by him.

while walking back to the ferry terminal i got pissed on by a bird. right in the middle of my forehead. that's all i have to say about that.

tomoro i'm going to tekong again. hoping to bump into the lieutenant. *giggle* crushing is fun, no? at least i have something to anticipate... :p he has a sexy deep voice too. wahaha. was also very un-mat. i am smitten.

i got papercutted twice today, in the same spot. it hurts. :( slowed down my production line. dammit.

wedding part une

sorry guys, haven't been updating cos as you know, my bro got married over the weekend. also been working till late at night.

for those who are wondering what went down at the wedding, this is just a teaser. details and photos coming soon. haha.

schedule:
9 dec, fri- maulud @ home.
10 dec, sat- nikah in the afternoon, dinner @ night. venue, fengshan cc.
11 dec, sun- people come eat eat @ fengshan cc from 11am-5pm. bride and groom arrive @ 3-ish.

there was no sanding-ing cos they're going to the studio to get their photos done. pity, cos the pelamin was gorgeous. total of 3, one at the cc, one at her house, and one under her blk. i think i hv pics of all 3 but the cc one i forgot to take a full shot. doh! might still b able to see in the background of some pics tho...
they went to the scarlet hotel on sun night. will be heading to the maldives (yeah, i know) on thurs... ok lah that's all for now. stay hungry!

berita basi

ok thought i'd say something abt the nguyen thing seeing how it had been all hyped up and stuff. i haven't really been following the news for the past mth or so but i kinda get the gist of it. aussies not happy tt our laws apply to an aussie who committed a crime on our soil. can anyone say michael fay?

i think he knew full well what he was doing. taking a risk when he knew tt the penalty wld b death, no questions asked. so situation, desperation, a lapse in judgement, etc cld hv driven him to it. at the end of the day, he had a choice and he made his. aussies r compassionate and defend their own very strongly but they shld also take a step back and think for a sec. if a foreigner committed a crime in their country wldn't they want him to be punished according to their laws? not all aussies r angels. another recent eg, tt michelle leslie person. this one i didn't follow either cos frankly, my dear, i don't give a damn. she stopped wearing tudung after she got released or something rite? sheesh. conniving little bitch.

anyways, bottomline is, u do the crime u do the time lah. wrongdoers shld not get away scot free. wat the hell r laws there for then, if they're not gonna b followed or if they're gonna b bent cos of sympathy or politics? i know there r probably lots of grey areas and times when the system has failed but i dunno... it's pretty clear to me. just ppl hyping up something tt is an open and shut case.

in other news, i permed my hair y'all!! wahaha. think it looks way better tho i resemble something tt just stepped out of (or rather got stuck in) the 80s. i hv volume! woohoo! i don't hv to comb or blow dry! yippee! i hv an excuse for the frizziness! yeah! but it makes me look more mature. :( sighs. win some lose some eh. it's definitely an improvement from my usual hair. definitely. so yaaaaay!!

by the way...

random stuff that has happened:

got my 1st official real job paycheck. :) don't feel like i earned it tho...
passed my cmfas m5 paper. i officially know the FAA and FAR rules and regulations.
got confirmation from PA abt me being an NC committee member. i am officially a grassroot leader. be afraid. be very afraid.
shopping binges. i now know the joy of having spending power and using it. pure bliss. so that's why it's called retail therapy.
have been keeping up with the thrice a wk exercise regime. weight ain't budging tho. maintaining but not losing... bummer.
i need a pedicure and massage. who wants to come with?
i need new music and books. who has recommendations? my brain cells are dying.
i'm finally gonna do something abt my hair this sun. maybe. i can't take it anymore...
i hv a staff meeting on sat and will be going to straits kitchen for lunch after. woohoo!
i will be going wakeboarding in 2 wks time. i can't swim. pray for me.
i got 2 policies from my organization on thurs. one for health (which i switched to from my old plan. my agent will kill me) and one for death and disability. i dunno if muslims r allowed to hv insurance. r we?
i seriously need to get organised. so little time so much to do.
my arms r flabby! so is my gut. i need to find out how to use the machines in the gym.
i blame the above and point 5 on the communal office snacking. oh man. u think u know but u hv no idea.

everyone's favourite topic

hmm it's funny how so much can change within a year. in the early months of 2005, my organiser was near empty of appointments and i had all the time in the world to bum around. fast forward 7 months later and my schedule is so full that there are clashes left right and centre. this is only relating to work matters. i haven't even considered my other commitments yet.

this madness made me realise that i'm a very busy woman, i can't waste my time on you. wahaha. kidding of cos. there is ALWAYS time for friends. need to commit and compromise. takes two hands to clap not only in relationships but in friendships as well. it just won't work if one party keeps making the plans and the others just relek one corner. but i digress. will save that for another day.

what i wanna talk about now is boy-girl relationships. i think if i were to have a bf now (hypothetically speaking, of cos), he would be damned pissed off with me lor. becos ah, i won't hv time for him. imagine lah, work from 10am - 7pm, then i go to the gym after work a couple of times a week, then i hv to work late sometimes due to seminars and training classes, then there's work on saturday too... i think even i wouldn't put up with me. so right now i'm glad that i'm not in a committed relationship. cos i'd be super stressed abt it man. whole of next week i think i won't be able to go to the gym i stress already. how like that. so conclusion, it wouldn't be fair on either of us. unless we compromise. which i would be perfectly willing to do. or devise other ways to spend time together lah. as it is, i don't think i spend enough time at home. my cuz was in hospital for 7 days and no one bothered to tell me. can u believe it?? i only found out when she called me just now (for another reason) and said that my mum, aunt and sis visited her the other day. wtf??? ya sure ostracise me, thanks. but i digress.

back to the topic at hand. so right, my colleagues and i hv been having a few pretty interesting conversations abt the birds and the bees. some of them r pretty experienced so we were bombarding them with qns and stuff. haha. very insightful. what do i do at work? i learn! probably the wrong things but hey better than being ignorant right? right. so just now some of them took the durex sex survey thingy. i opened it too but i couldn't go pass the 3rd qn. what was the 3rd qn?...... "when was the 1st time you had sex?" urhm, i don't think 'never' is a valid answer. that was when i found out their respective 'first time' ages. not too bad lah, no minors. haha.

this made me realise that you can never tell who has done it and who hasn't. you can't tell unless you ask and they give you an honest answer. the majority of the population have done it. so based on this, does everyone assume that everyone else has done it? am i part of a minority who still innocently think that everyone is inherently 'good' and don't give in to their urges so easily? also, it seems that everyone accepts that it's part of the boyfriend-girlfriend contract, regardless of race, language or religion. this had me a bit traumatized. does this mean that if and when i manage to snag one, it's gonna be an unwritten given? i sincerely hope not. it would definitely freak me out man.

btw, people usually do it at hotels. or if their parents r rarely home, then at home. bet u were wondering too huh? finally i hv an answer! haha.

i just realised that i don't hv a conclusion. hmm. reflector for u... ok i'll try:

1. i'm finally being made useful at work
2. being useful means being busy and if i were in a r/p, it would not be fair
3. compromise and commitment r gonna b topics in another post
4. i'm learning a lot at work
5. my future bf will b one frustrated fella